When my spirit wanted to explode, there were warning signs—I’d get a gnawing in my belly—the unkind words would start to bubble up in my gut, irritating my stomach on the way to my heart…they got ready to gush out of my mouth, when I remembered my counselor’s advice, “Wait until you can respond.  Out of the heart the mind speaks.” 

To react is an automatic response that rises out of one’s emotion.  Hurt people hurt people.  When we feel hurt, anxious, annoyed or angry, we want to retaliate.  As a food addict, I hurt myself by overeating, and I hurt others by lashing out—yelling, complaining, blaming.  When I stopped overeating, I recognized my dismal attitude, accepted my brokenness and tried to correct the harm I had done.  Committed to recovery, I learned new life-style skills—don’t react, instead respond in kind and loving ways.  Life happens—the physical maladies, the angry clerk, the inconsiderate truck driver, the too tired, sick or frustrated daycare child or the family squabble—all opportunities to react.  Responding in love requires the skill of self-control.  

My heart aches at times.  Two examples of my growing ability to control myself come to mind.  One day not long ago, being the over-protective mother that I am, I was ready to pounce on my husband for his attitude towards one of the children.  Instead of attacking him with my words, I grabbed my notebook and with great vigor, wrote all the nasty things I wanted to spit at him.  Later, when I settled down, I calmly and respectfully told him my thoughts.  It was fruitful.  He listened.  In the past he didn’t hear beyond the loudness of my voice.       

Communication with children holds unique challenges.  I remember one day when Dan was around twelve or thirteen.  Annoyed at something I had said, he strutted angrily down the hall with his nose in the air.  He slammed his bedroom door and yelled,